CrossFakers. They walk the earth, like zombies, in different forms. You’ve seen them. Learn to identify the different types:
The Poser: “I CrossFit because it’s so cool and I am the coolest person ever. If you’re not doing RX, don’t even talk to me. Hey Grandma, get your paws off my bar!”
The Cheater: “I’m a bad a** motherf******! Standards? Those are for losers! I’m a winner! Big dawgs only!”
The Instant Expert: “I just got my L1 and I don’t need anything else. I already know EVERYTHING so shut up and listen to me. Let’s do some snatch balance hang clean muscle-up wall-balls until we puke! I’m opening my gym tomorrow!”
The Pretender: “CrossFitness classes here! We’re not an affiliate but we look, smell, eat, and pretend like we are! We have no conscience and we don’t care! Stealing is okay by us!”
The I Was Here First: “Everyone who started CrossFitting after the birth of Christ is beneath me. I am the pure and the holy. No one should be allowed to WOD but me and a select few of my elite apostles.”
Remember: the CrossFakers are not evil nor are they harmful, but only toxic in large doses or if taken too seriously. So, limit your exposure and stay safe. If you have been exposed to high levels of CrossFakery, simply give yourself the antidote: get to the closest head-not-up-their-buttinksi real-world affiliate and perform any workout from the 2009 CrossFit Games — you’ll be okay. “Grace” in your garage will also save you. But hurry, save yourself before it’s too late.
