Sometimes you win. Sometimes you suck so much they should name a suckage monument after you. Kids on school trips could take their pictures in front of your crumpled, pathetic concrete image. (“This statue is in memory of the Great WOD Disaster of 2011. That extra 20lbs on the bar almost killed her. Survivors still have nightmares about her form at the end. Scary stuff. Kids, don’t let this be you.”)
Nobody will ever love you more than your mother. Not even your partner or your kids or the front squat. Your dog is sure going to try though.
You will love the barbell more than it will ever love you back. (It can’t love — it’s an inanimate object. Stay with me here, people.)
The 10 seconds of rest during Tabata are actually 4. No one’s been able to scientifically prove this point, yet we all know it’s true.
The L-Sit was used during Ancient Roman Times as a punishment for adultery. They put hot coals under the parallettes. This is how “players” first learned to get amazing abs.
When four or more people gather for a WOD, at least one person will be the Whiner. Or the Heavy Sweat-er. Possibly also The Person Who Always Has to Leave Early.
If you eat perfectly at every single meal, get 10 hours of sleep every night, and have impeccable form on every movement in every WOD and the lowest WOD times, and the heaviest weights in every lift, you’re probably a big old liar too.
All joking aside though, there is one hard truth that’s indisputable, if you do CrossFit right: No matter how bad you felt before the WOD, no matter how crappy and terrible and horrendous your day was up until the point that you walked in the gym, you will always feel better after the WOD. Well, at least once you can breathe again. (And don’t slip on that pool of sweat: the Heavy Sweat-er can’t help it, it just flows out of him like a water faucet.)
(Image courtesy of Nicole Bedard Photography.)